In the grand scheme of things, the recent revelation that CBS uses bogus taped birdcalls on its golf telecasts isn't quite an environmental scandal on par with Love Canal, the Exxon Valdez or Chernobyl. But there's something discomforting about it nonetheless.
It's fraudulent and fake, and the very fact that a network can take liberties like this puts the whole credibility of an alleged journalistic enterprise in doubt.
My goodness, next thing you know we're going to find out that all those cutaways to magical long putts that dive into cups made by obscure also-rans are not really live, but on tape! Or that the ponds at Augusta use more artificial coloring than Regis Philbin's hairstylist.
But this will really give conspiracy theorists something to chew on. If CBS can fiddle with the natural sound at a tournament, imagine what they could do with a Tiger Woods drive?I mean, one that's going straight for the bushes and an unplayable lie can somehow be manipulated to take a few strange hops and roll back down a cartpath.
And if something as innocuous as background sound isn't real, imagine what else could be fake on CBS broadcasts. Gary McCord's mustache? David Feherty's accent? Jim Nantz's sentimentality? Any day now, I fully expect to hear that for the last five years, Ken Venturi has already been retired and they've been using a wax figure loaded with a continuous loop of his favorite cliches.
Actually CBS might be smart in going with fake background noise. After all, when Tiger Woods hits a bad shot the stuff that comes out of his mouth makes a bogus chirp from a white-throated sparrow look absolutely tame. Just ask NBC about that.
Still, it's kind of funny to see what lengths networks travel just to make sure every detail is just so. I mean, what are they afraid of, that people who watch golf are going to get bored without a few birds chirping? Do they think the aura of tranquility it brings will snag a whole new demographic, the coveted New Age Audubon audience? Forget the Tiger Effect,maybe the key to all those record ratings is the Tweetie Effect. Could be some powerful subliminal messages in those bird calls. Who knows?
This whole episode does point to a few things about television and sports. The whole thing has gotten corrupt, and I don't mean simply because of the obscene money being spent on rights fees and the ridiculous money being earned by athletes. It's gotten corrupt because the whole notion of televising an event without any artificial additives or preservatives has gone out the window.
In this day and age, everything must be pumped up and manipulated, the equivalent of feeding steroids to television sports.
Spend billions on the Olympics? Forget just showing the events live (no matter what time of day) and letting the drama speak for itself. No, you must package it into prime-time soap opera and jingoistic propoganda, complete with violin music and flag-waving.
Showing a golf tournament in the afternoon? Just follow Tiger Woods' morning round shot-for-shot, as if it's happening live, even though he's well off the early lead and concise highlights could have gotten the job done just as effectively.
Producing Monday Night Football? Forget about letting the action speak for itself and be its own entertainment, especially when your target audience is being snatched up by professional wrestling. Time to send in the clown, put a comedian in the broadcast booth even though the whole thing seems forced (and he turns out to spit out cliches just as effectively as any ex-jock.)
It's ironic. This is supposedly the age of Reality TV, when Survivor and Big Brother rule. How come the forerunner of reality TV -- sports -- keeps getting faker all the time?
