Caddies
Caddies, as Dai Rees said, are a breed unto themselves. But then so are golfers. The relationship between player and caddie can be simple or very complex, as the following demonstrate.

The Royal Hong Kong Club caddies hit the nail on the head; their term for golf - "Hittee ball, say damn".
- Dick Anderson

Caddies are a breed unto themselves and they certainly earn their wage for humping this lot around four miles of land.
-Dai Rees

I was lying ten and had a thirty-five foot putt. I whispered over my shoulder: "How does this one break?" And my caddie said, "Who cares?"
- Jack Lemmon

When I ask you what club to use, look the other way and don't answer.
- Sam Snead (to his caddie)

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
- Huxtable Pippey

If a caddie can help you, you don't know how to play golf.
- Dan Jenkins

It'll take three good ones to be on in two today, Sir.
- Henry Longhurst (reporting a caddie's advice when playing into a stiff breeze)

There are three things in the world that he held in the smallest esteem - slugs, poets and caddies with hiccups.
- P.G. Wodehouse (from "Rodney fails to qualify", 1924)

A good caddie is more than a mere assistant. He is guide, philosopher and friend.
- Henry Longhurst

Don't worry about your caddie. He may be an irritating little wretch, but for eighteen holes he is your caddie.
- Arnold Haultain (1910)

I don't know why that putt hung on the edge. I'm a clean liver. It must be my caddie.
- JoAnne Carner

The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
- Art Buchwald

Joe Carr, the great Irish amateur, was once having a very bad day of golf at Sligo.
His caddie asked: "Have you ever played Rosses Point before, Sor?"
Joe Carr: "Oh yes, many times."
Caddie: "Then you know they play the West of Ireland championship here, Sor."
Joe Carr: "I know, I won it twelve times."
Caddie: "It must have been fierce easy to win in those days, Sor."

"The caddie will only drink the more if overpaid," you say. Indeed! and to what good purpose do you apply the money you grudge to the poor? Is there something nobler in your gout and dyspepsia than in my caddie's red nose?
- Sir Walter Simpson

If I needed advice from my caddie, he'd be hitting the shots and I'd be carrying the bag.
- Bobby Jones

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
- Chi Chi Rodriguez

Once when I'd been in a lot of bunkers, my caddie told me he was getting blisters from raking so much.
- Joanne Carner

Remember the basic rule. Make friends with your caddie and the game will make friends with you. How true this is. It is easy to arrange that your guest opponent shall be deceived in to undertipping his caddie at the end of the morning round, so that the news gets round among the club employees that your opponent is a no good, and the boys will gang up against him.
- Stephen Potter (from "Golfmanship", 1948)

According to the Captain of The Honorable Company of Edinburgh Golfers, striking your opponent or caddie at St Andrews, Hoylake or Westward Ho! meant that you lost the hole, except on medal days when it counted as a rub of the green.
- Herbert Warren Wind

Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say, "Man, we shot 66!" But go out and shoot 77, and they say "Hell, he shot 77!"
- Lee Trevino

I know you can be fined for throwing a club, but I want to know if you can get fined for throwing a caddie?
- Tommy Bolt

With reference to the reported world's record rebound of a golf ball from the head of a Scotch caddie which appeared in the home golfing papers, I beg to inform you that whilst playing the 7th hole at the Premier Mine course (Transvaal) on 28th September, my ball struck a native daddie (who was standing 150 yards away at the side of a tree just off the line of the fairway) on the forehead just above the right eye. The drive in question was one of those so dear to a golfer, a hard, raking shot. The ball - a Colonel - rebounded back in a direct line 75 yards (distance measured). Strange to relate, but beyond a slight abrasion of the skin, the native was not affected at all. Therefore, you will readily observe that the record of the Scotsman is easily outclassed.
- Edward Stanward (writing to Golf Monthly, 1914)

Friends noticed that the caddie always walked barefoot. It was his duty when [Errol] Flynn's ball went i nthe rough, to pick it up with his unusually long toes and, without stooping down, deposit it quietly on the fairway.
- The New Yorker (1937)

When [Bernhard] Langer practises on his own, he can hold up a fourball.
- Dave Musgrove (Langer's long-time caddie)

The player may experiment about with his swing, his grip, his stance. It is only when he begins asking his caddie's advice that he is getting on dangerous ground.
- Sir Walter Simpson (1887)

Your clubs.
- Jackie Gleason (when asked by Toots Shor what to give his caddie after shooting 211)

Were some of the players to carry their own clubs, I think they would find it almost as good exercise as the playing, and, methinks, the sheaf of sticks would grow beautifully less, and they would soon discover that they could do all that was necessary with four instruments.
- Leamington Spa Advertiser (1899)

In golf, a player can step and mar the line of his adversary's putt. A player can also hit his adversary or his caddie intentionally with his ball and claim the hole - but it isn't usually done.
- Charles B. Macdonald (1898)

The only time I talk on the golf course is to my caddie. And then only to complain when he gives me the wrong club.
- Severiano Ballesteros

Why ask me? You've asked me two times already and paid no atention to what I said. So pick your own goddam club!
- Dow Finsterwald's caddie (at the US Open, 1960)

I started out 8, 6, 8 and then I blew up.
- Tony Mullas, 1950 (on caddie day at Plum Hollow)

I wasn't even on the Top 60 in caddie earnings before the Kemper.
- J.C. Anderson (touring pro, after winning $46,000 for finishing 6th at the Kemper Open)

No man can play at golf who has not a servant at command to assisit him. it is probable that no sport exists in the world today or ever did in which the services of a paid assistant are an essential as in this national game of Scotland.
- Horace Hutchinson (1899)

The professional [caddie] is a reckless, feckless creature. In the golfing season in Scotland he makes money all the day and spends it all the night. His sole loves are golf and whisky.
- Horace Hutchinson (1900)

If it wasn't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today.
- George Archer

My game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies -- one to talk the left rough, one for the right rough, and one down the middle. And the one down the middle doesn't have much to do.
- Dave Hill

She knows how to hang on to my money. I wish her mom were the same way.
- Orville Moody (on having his daughter caddie for him)

Essentially, he has been retired since he was 21.
- Jack Nicklaus (on the work habits of his longtime caddie Angelo Argea)

He told me just to keep the ball low.
- Chi Chi Rodriguez (on the advice his caddie gave him on a crucial putt)

Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.
- Lee Trevino

My caddie dared me to try it, but I didn't think it was worth losing a ball.
- Ian Woosnam (after playing partner John Daly hit a 421-yard shot)

He [Bill Clinton] told me that he caddied in the same group with me in the Hot Springs Open. That's why I voted for him, becasue he was a caddie.
- Tommy Bolt

Then Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in. I'll caddie for Jack.
- Chi Chi Rodriguez (explaining why he had only three good years left on the Senior Tour)

Much of the fire with him [Ben Hogan] was lit by Byron Nelson, who came from the same town - the same caddie yard - and achieved fame and fortune several years ahead of Ben and who, as a kid, had always been popular and better liked than Ben. No puzzle at all.
- Dan Jenkins

The life of a professional golfer is precarious at best. Win, and they carry you to the clubhouse on their shoulders. Lose, and you pay the caddies in the dark.
- Gene Sarazen

Golf took young kids like Byron Nelson, Ben Hogan and myself out of the caddie ranks and gave us money and a little bit of fame and let us live in the tall cotton.
- Jimmy Demaret

I never had any thought the whole week. I figured my caddie [Jerry Beard] knew the course a lot better than me, so I put out my hand and played whatever club he put in it. I'd say, "How hard do I hit it?" He'd tell me and I'd swing. The guys who come down here once a year and try to get smart with Mr. Jones' course are the dumb ones.
- Fuzzy Zoeller (o winning the 1979 Masters as a rookie)

I played a practice round with Hubert [Green] the other day, and when we got to the ninth green, I heard a fan say, "Why does Hubert have two caddies?"
- Ken Green (reflecting on being an obscure Tour pro)